Deep Thoughts

This year has got off to a crappy start in some ways. In others it's been pretty cool.  You never realize how powerless you can be until illness and disability hit you. Five weeks of coughing, losing sleep and then cracking a rib from coughing and being disabled right in you tracks. Every movement hurts. Every breath. Every fart, cough, burp, nose blown and BM, hurts. Even eating to some degree. But when you can't sleep for three days while your body adjusts, it just sucks on all levels.

You become grateful for the little things. Being able to lay down and get at least six hours without a sharp knife pain in you back, is one of them. You realize that:

1. You have to lose weight.
2. You have to really focus on your meditation practice so that you can bypass the nawing pain.
3. You have to start exercising to get your back muscles back so that this doesn't happen again. Or at least to get it to the point where it takes more before it happens again.
4. That you really need to focus on those things you've been putting off. Because something like this teaches you that it could have been worse and you might not ever get those things done if you had something more disabling happen to you.
5. That the person that you married is there for you no matter what. Through thick and thin, you are a team and you'll do anything in you power to take care of the other person no matter what happens. That's pure gold right there and true unconditional love.
6. That your animals know something is wrong and you need love and comfortable cuddles.
7. That it's okay to show that scared child that's within you and that it's not being weak to cry or show it.  That this whole "toughen up and be a man" thing is horseshit.
8. Happiness is found in your state of mind in the moment. The second you can breathe deeply without pain is a great moment.
9. You will heal.
10. You will get better.
11. You will move on.
12. And you will probably forget some of this stuff.
13. But you have this blog entry to remind you.

So for now, rest, heal, focus and let go. Tomorrow will be there for you, as will all the stuff on your to-do list.  Positive thing for today? Pain has backed off a bit and coughing has almost subsided.

May you all find peace of some kind today.