Time passes by...

3 months ago I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes.  I've looked at it as a wake up call.  I've done some changes to diet and exercise regimens, I have even gone to classes for Diabetes Education and have also been reading like a madman.  For all the promise and hope of reversing Diabetes, they are all just really the ability to stave off the inevitable of having it come back at a later age.  You are buying time for when the pancreas actually does shut down and stops producing insulin.

I pop 4 Metformin a day, 1 Onglyza, 1 Crestor, 1 Omeprazole and 1 hit in each nostril of Dymista (Flonase with an allergy medicine in it for sinusitis).  It is my daily pill regimen now. I sit here listening to Yes' album "The Ladder", with promises of a better day and a hopeful life and love and light and all those things, but it doesn't mean they will come true.  But I would like to believe that there is some moment of peace for me that I have not found yet with this disease that I have.  I've not let it bother me till tonight, but taking the pills tonight, it struck me.  Is this to be the rest of my life?  Popping pills to keep the inevitable at bay?

I have thought of going Vegan, I have read so much from the books "Forks Over Knives", "Engine 2 Diet", "The China Study" and also Neal Barnard's book "Reversing Diabetes", and I have high hopes that even something like this might help. But will it really help me?  I'm not sure.  I trudge on as time passes and pop pills several times a day.

Okay, so I'm not having to wear a pump or poke myself with a needle to give myself insulin...yet, but I know one day it will come.  Some say, "well, you could also get hit by a bus tomorrow."  true, very true, and I guess I look at that perspective as well, but sometimes I sit here and just let it get to me, so I write.  And I share.  Because you never know who is out there who has some of the same feelings and issues based on what is going on inside while dealing with Diabetes or any disease for that matter.  Know you're not alone in that thought.

I've been asked many times now, "how are you feeling?" Not just by Facebook lately (LOL) but walking into the doctor's office, the dentist recently and my favorite, the Diabetes Ed Nurse and Dietitian.  I didn't even think of it bothering me in the beginning.  I was handling it pretty well.  I've been learning about stress and stress relief while researching for my site www.diabeticstressrelief.com and while doing this have been reading about how some people have extreme stress anxiety as it relates to their Diabetes.  Its overwhelming to them.

Diet, exercise, pills, testing your blood glucose regularly, counting calories and trying your best not to go overboard on eating and getting lazy or complacent with your exercise is stressful. You have thoughts of "why even worry about it?" or struggling with your own mortality before you want struggle with it.  Well, the overwhelm has hit me.  I'm sitting here and trying to listen to some positive music tonight and writing to let go of some of this stress.  I've watched some of my videos and those do relax me, which is cool that my own stuff works on me pretty well, but  I had to put on some Yes as well.  I needed some positive reinforcement and some blogging.

If I can share just one thing with people, its to relax and let go.  Writing helps, music helps (positive lyrics or just instrumentals), watching an uplifting movie; for some prayer helps, meditating, visualization exercises...whatever it takes, hang in there for one more day.  Things are always better and brighter tomorrow, but mostly, be in the present moment.  Sit with this thing called Diabetes and realize that its something that is a part of you now, it does not own you, you own it.  You do not have to let it rule you, make you an emotional mess or ruin your vision of a brighter future, because that comes from a place of fear and as it is said in the book "Dune"...

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." 

Conquer that fear and replace it with some happiness.

A friend pointed me to an article that talked about finding the "Drops of Awesome" and to fill up that bucket with every drop of awesome that I can think of.  That's what I have been trying to do as I sit here and write and share.

I leave you with this.  A song from the album that I've been listening too this evening, the band is Yes, the song is from "The Ladder" and is called "Finally".  Listen to the words, very powerful and they help me get centered from the fear that I create in my mind about this disease.  "Finally we've put it to the test!"  One last thing to report, my 3 month check, was great.  My A1C is 6.8 now and that is considered "under control" for a Diabetic.  It was 11.2 when I saw him 3 months ago.

Namaste,

Dave