Day #22 and TMM

Checking in. It's Day #22.

Weight 344.2 (down 3 pounds)
Blood Sugars 107 (wow I haven't had sugars this low in years in the mornings)

Book finished: "Emergence" by Derek Rydall (excellent, highly recommend)

Car audio started: Jim Butcher's 1st book from the Codex Alera series "Furies of Calderon". Loving it so far. This is way different from The Dresden Files books, but so far it is really good.  Who knew that you could take a challenge from a fan about two lame subjects and write 6 books about it and have it become a best seller. (Pokemon and The Lost Roman Legion.  And just to be fair, it was lame in the fan's eyes)

New foods:

• Keto fried chicken - mmmmm...so good. 
• Keto riced cauliflower chicken soup.  Chicken and rice! OMG this is so good.
• Keto ice cream - heavy whipping cream, with strawberries and Splenda.  Mmmmm mmm good.

Starting tomorrow morning: The Miracle Morning 30 Day Challenge.  Yep, it's time.  I've put this off long enough.  I just watched a keynote by Hal Elrod that was his first one back after going through chemotherapy.  You know, it gave me that kick in the pants of "what the hell am I waiting for." Lots of great takeaways.  Here is the video if you want to watch.  He teaches the whole method of The Miracle Morning in this hour and shares his story.  He is an amazing inspiration.

So while Hal teaches the method here, I highly recommend getting his book for a lot of in-depth information on the Life S.A.V.E.R.S. and how to get the most out of them.  I've read through it twice now.  Something I don't normally do with a book.  I may go back and reference it from time to time, but I rarely reread something.  

Starting early tomorrow morning (5 am is my plan) I'll be doing

• S.ilence - 10 minutes of meditation with my Calm app.
• A.ffirmations - 10 minutes of affirmations with one of my Paraliminals recordings.
• V.isualization - 10 minutes of visualizing my weight loss and health recovery journey.
• E.xercise - 10 minutes of stretching and some form of exercise to get my heart rate up a little.
• R.eading - 10 minutes of reading from Jon Vroman's "The Front Row Factor".
• S.cribing - 10 minutes writing in my Diaro journal.

This will be the 60 minute routine (maybe more) to begin the day.  I'll report back in here on my blog as I go along with my weight loss and TMM (The Miracle Morning) journey.

Also, listen to Hal's podcast.  It's one of the best podcasts on the internet.  The diversity that he covers with subjects on success and self development is part of the reason I undertook this journey I'm now on.  I wouldn't have heard of Jon Vroman or Derek Rydall if I hadn't downloaded some of these podcasts to listen to on my commute.  I listen to podcasts in the morning on the way in and I listen to fiction on Audible in the afternoon drive to unwind in what is sometimes 2 1/2 hour traffic home.

Buy the book.  Try it out.  At least watch the video above.

Musical inspiration for the week. Lori Diamond & Fred Abatelli - "OM". I love this song. I did a video for them for this song that you can watch below. Great artists, excellent album and just the most kind and loving couple I've ever met in the indie market.  I used to play them on my radio show and now I listen to them at least once a day.

Have a peaceful and positive week everyone! 

Deep Thoughts

This year has got off to a crappy start in some ways. In others it's been pretty cool.  You never realize how powerless you can be until illness and disability hit you. Five weeks of coughing, losing sleep and then cracking a rib from coughing and being disabled right in you tracks. Every movement hurts. Every breath. Every fart, cough, burp, nose blown and BM, hurts. Even eating to some degree. But when you can't sleep for three days while your body adjusts, it just sucks on all levels.

You become grateful for the little things. Being able to lay down and get at least six hours without a sharp knife pain in you back, is one of them. You realize that:

1. You have to lose weight.
2. You have to really focus on your meditation practice so that you can bypass the nawing pain.
3. You have to start exercising to get your back muscles back so that this doesn't happen again. Or at least to get it to the point where it takes more before it happens again.
4. That you really need to focus on those things you've been putting off. Because something like this teaches you that it could have been worse and you might not ever get those things done if you had something more disabling happen to you.
5. That the person that you married is there for you no matter what. Through thick and thin, you are a team and you'll do anything in you power to take care of the other person no matter what happens. That's pure gold right there and true unconditional love.
6. That your animals know something is wrong and you need love and comfortable cuddles.
7. That it's okay to show that scared child that's within you and that it's not being weak to cry or show it.  That this whole "toughen up and be a man" thing is horseshit.
8. Happiness is found in your state of mind in the moment. The second you can breathe deeply without pain is a great moment.
9. You will heal.
10. You will get better.
11. You will move on.
12. And you will probably forget some of this stuff.
13. But you have this blog entry to remind you.

So for now, rest, heal, focus and let go. Tomorrow will be there for you, as will all the stuff on your to-do list.  Positive thing for today? Pain has backed off a bit and coughing has almost subsided.

May you all find peace of some kind today.

Again, I forge onward.

It's lunchtime on the 12th of March. My step-son's birthday is today. Looking forward to doing Medieval Times again for both boy's birthday celebrations. Winter has come and thankfully gone. Not much to do but stay in doors and eat this winter. Where does that get you? 354 pounds and a high daily blood glucose level. Yep, it's time to pick up the pieces and forge onward and upward. I blew the dust off MyFitnessPal, opened up MapMyWalk and walked .77 miles today, .5 yesterday.

The problem I have is working through immense back pain a quarter mile in from the weight I'm carrying in front. I need to walk though, so I'll start off small and go from there. I want to be up to walking a mile by Monday or Tuesday next week and then up to two miles by the end of March. I want to walk downtown this summer and walk some Diabetes support walks and maybe a breast cancer walk or two. I loved walking once before, and I'll love it once again. Mary and I have been talking about joining the AVA (American Volksport Association) and doing some 5 and 10K walks, when I get down about 70 pounds and am able to walk those distances again, is when we will join. It's something to shoot for. You're never too old. Plus, I feel like it's time.

Wish me luck folks.

Stop by and listen to the Musical Relaxation Station if you need some stress relief. We recently went to a self hypnosis class at the Unitarian Universalist Society of Geneva. It was excellent! It is also what has helped get me all geared up for a change for the better in health. More information on that to come.

Like before, I've always said I'd post my stories here. And I'll hopefully be more regular in that respect. For now, everyone have a peaceful day. Get out and walk! It's beautiful outside and Spring is in the air, in some parts of the country. I know outside of Chicago its a warm welcome. :)

Dave

Where do I begin.  It's 4/7/2014.  A lot has happened since I wrote in this blog.  We've had a lot of people pass in our lives. Including my mother.  Who I miss dearly. My health has not gotten any better, in fact, it feels like it's getting worse.  I went to SXSW this last month.  Sent to the event by my company.  Which was totally awesome, but I was in no shape to walk the 1.7 miles each way from the downtown area of Austin, Texas to the AirBnB house we rented while we were down there.  I felt like I put an immense burden on the guys that I stayed with as well.  The second night we were there, was the opening night of the event.  I logged over 16,000+ steps on my Noom walking count, and it was probably even more than that, because we flipped the midnight counter by the time I got home.  It seemed like nothing short of a miracle that someone had been available with their little golf cart, to take me back to the house.  After having my battery on my phone die before this happened and sending out a help request to the guys I was with...pulling them away from a party they were attending.  Embarrassing to say the least.  My feet hurt, my back hurt, I drank a lot and just didn't feel well the whole time I was there.  I took long breaks in between events and just sat and took in the surroundings.  Now mind you, I still had an awesome time!  

So this is one example of many, lately.  I was to a point yesterday, that I was at band practice and my feet got cold from the basement floor and they started to cramp.  Blood flow to my feet has not been good the last few years and when they get cold they cramp, badly.  I feel like a hindrance there as well.  I know, it sounds like woe is me, but really, it's not.  I'm just not in shape and need to take control of it again.  I'm really tired of feeling tired all the time and the excuse of getting old or having diabetes, just isn't flying with me at all this morning.  

So I started MyFitnessPal back up.  I've swapped out my work shoes to see if I can get a mild walk in today, because my Nike's I've been wearing, seem to be hurting my feet even more lately.  I'm going to head out to Subway for lunch today and get a healthy sandwich or salad and walk a little.  I need to start back up slowly, but I need to start.  My energy is stuck in the "pit of despair" (Princess Bride reference).  Hoping that this starts to bring my blood sugar back in balance and I start to lose weight again.  I really want to see 260 in the next 8 months, or even lower.  There's so much I want to do with family that I feel like I'm holding us back. 

Thanks for reading this blog.  Hopefully I'll have more positive exciting things to post about my progress soon. :)

Peace,

Dave

PS. Drop by my radio shows sometime.  There are 4 stations set up.  One is a regular Monday night live show called Independent Share that runs from 7pm to 10pm CST:

The other is the Musical Relaxation Station, which I try to sneak in a show here and there on the weekends:

Two new ones are Rock and Progressive Rock relates.  The first is Melodic Rock Radio:

and the second is ProgCrastination, which might take on a life of it's own here soon and have a regular schedule:   

Time passes by...

3 months ago I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes.  I've looked at it as a wake up call.  I've done some changes to diet and exercise regimens, I have even gone to classes for Diabetes Education and have also been reading like a madman.  For all the promise and hope of reversing Diabetes, they are all just really the ability to stave off the inevitable of having it come back at a later age.  You are buying time for when the pancreas actually does shut down and stops producing insulin.

I pop 4 Metformin a day, 1 Onglyza, 1 Crestor, 1 Omeprazole and 1 hit in each nostril of Dymista (Flonase with an allergy medicine in it for sinusitis).  It is my daily pill regimen now. I sit here listening to Yes' album "The Ladder", with promises of a better day and a hopeful life and love and light and all those things, but it doesn't mean they will come true.  But I would like to believe that there is some moment of peace for me that I have not found yet with this disease that I have.  I've not let it bother me till tonight, but taking the pills tonight, it struck me.  Is this to be the rest of my life?  Popping pills to keep the inevitable at bay?

I have thought of going Vegan, I have read so much from the books "Forks Over Knives", "Engine 2 Diet", "The China Study" and also Neal Barnard's book "Reversing Diabetes", and I have high hopes that even something like this might help. But will it really help me?  I'm not sure.  I trudge on as time passes and pop pills several times a day.

Okay, so I'm not having to wear a pump or poke myself with a needle to give myself insulin...yet, but I know one day it will come.  Some say, "well, you could also get hit by a bus tomorrow."  true, very true, and I guess I look at that perspective as well, but sometimes I sit here and just let it get to me, so I write.  And I share.  Because you never know who is out there who has some of the same feelings and issues based on what is going on inside while dealing with Diabetes or any disease for that matter.  Know you're not alone in that thought.

I've been asked many times now, "how are you feeling?" Not just by Facebook lately (LOL) but walking into the doctor's office, the dentist recently and my favorite, the Diabetes Ed Nurse and Dietitian.  I didn't even think of it bothering me in the beginning.  I was handling it pretty well.  I've been learning about stress and stress relief while researching for my site www.diabeticstressrelief.com and while doing this have been reading about how some people have extreme stress anxiety as it relates to their Diabetes.  Its overwhelming to them.

Diet, exercise, pills, testing your blood glucose regularly, counting calories and trying your best not to go overboard on eating and getting lazy or complacent with your exercise is stressful. You have thoughts of "why even worry about it?" or struggling with your own mortality before you want struggle with it.  Well, the overwhelm has hit me.  I'm sitting here and trying to listen to some positive music tonight and writing to let go of some of this stress.  I've watched some of my videos and those do relax me, which is cool that my own stuff works on me pretty well, but  I had to put on some Yes as well.  I needed some positive reinforcement and some blogging.

If I can share just one thing with people, its to relax and let go.  Writing helps, music helps (positive lyrics or just instrumentals), watching an uplifting movie; for some prayer helps, meditating, visualization exercises...whatever it takes, hang in there for one more day.  Things are always better and brighter tomorrow, but mostly, be in the present moment.  Sit with this thing called Diabetes and realize that its something that is a part of you now, it does not own you, you own it.  You do not have to let it rule you, make you an emotional mess or ruin your vision of a brighter future, because that comes from a place of fear and as it is said in the book "Dune"...

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." 

Conquer that fear and replace it with some happiness.

A friend pointed me to an article that talked about finding the "Drops of Awesome" and to fill up that bucket with every drop of awesome that I can think of.  That's what I have been trying to do as I sit here and write and share.

I leave you with this.  A song from the album that I've been listening too this evening, the band is Yes, the song is from "The Ladder" and is called "Finally".  Listen to the words, very powerful and they help me get centered from the fear that I create in my mind about this disease.  "Finally we've put it to the test!"  One last thing to report, my 3 month check, was great.  My A1C is 6.8 now and that is considered "under control" for a Diabetic.  It was 11.2 when I saw him 3 months ago.

Namaste,

Dave

Day 45 - Failure and Relentless Pursuit

Lots of thinking; lots of falling off the wagon; lots of failure; but more importantly a huge new beginning.

Stress can take a toll on your psyche.  Especially when you are trying to make the right choices in your health and diet journey.  For the past 6 months, I've been worried about my place in my world.  The job, the band, the family, and the overall pinch of stress I see myself in.  Stress is all a state of mind and generally its self created.  You can choose to go through life with a calm demeanor; breathing and staying present in the moment, while focusing on your choice at hand and how you can accomplish the goals that are part of the path that you are on at the moment.  Yeah, that was deep and good advice, but sometimes hard to follow when you just get "caught up", as Tony Robbins would say.

The Job:  We've been in talks all year about me switching from being a consultant to becoming an employee full time.  Well, it has finally transpired.  I'm happy with the settlement to switch to employee and I'm very happy to be working as an employee of Wheels, Inc.  The stress?  Well, it was the worry of switching and becoming an employee again.  Would my needs of salary be met?  Would I be working for this person or that person?  Would I miss being a consultant?  I think all those questions have been answered satisfactorily.  In fact, I'm very happy and stress free now.  I can now take on the job at hand and its very exciting.  Stress 1 gone.

The Band:  Questions of our future seemed up in the air the past couple of months, but resolution occurred just yesterday with our continuation and some issues being ironed out.  We continue on and we will be victorious.  Stress 2 gone.

The Family:  There isn't any real stress going on here, other than we seem to not be motivated to stick to our diet and exercise program.  We overcame one very great hump this last week, deciding to re-up our YMCA membership.  Out of the gyms we have belonged to over the past few years, the Y seems to be the best place to workout.  Mary can still swim and I can walk the indoor track upstairs while she does the elliptical.  I can ride the StarTrack bike that I really like and start lifting weights again.  Stress 3 gone.

The main stresses are gone.  So what's the hang up?  Will power.  Plain and simple, getting motivated once again.  I have found music that is motivating me.  Not just for writing music, but motivating me to want to work out and do better for myself.  It is called Epic Score.  What is that?  Think of a movie trailer.  The epic quality of the music to bring you to a fervor and excitement within 2 minutes time.  To show the grand vision of the film you will definitely want to see in the future.  There are so many who write this style of music, but my favorites are Jo Blankenburg, Two Steps From Hell (Nick Phoenix and Thomas Bergersen) and Jennifer Thomas.  There are many others out there under various labels like Brand X Music and Future World Music.

I need to bring another person into play here as well: CJ Ortiz - The Metal Motivator!   CJ has some of the best common sense motivational techniques I have ever heard.  No BS and nothing but truth in your face in a Heavy Metal way.  As he said this morning on his Facebook post "I'm just a guy with a camera and a keyboard" oh, but CJ, you're so much more than that.   I watch and read his posts all the time.  Most of the time, its just what I need to hear.

So, I'm packing up my phone with Epic Score today and getting ready to plant my feet on the ground and seek the relentless pursuit of getting this weight off of me and getting healthy again. I'm embedding some video below of some great pieces from the artists I've mentioned above and CJ Ortiz who resembles one of my favorite songs by Triumph, "Fight the good fight every moment!  Every minute, Everday!!!!!  Fight the good fight every moment, it's your only way!"

Rock On!

Jennifer Thomas





Two Steps From Hell








Jo Blankenburg





CJ Ortiz - The Metal Motivator

Day 26 - Struggling

26 days in... lots of ups and downs this month.  Not really any time to exercise. Feels like the only exercise that I have been getting is band practice and gigging.  Two shows this month, one more in two weeks. 

Setting up and breaking down is like a "last chance workout" on the Biggest Loser. 

Excuses, excuses and more excuses.  Blood sugar is up.  Way over where I'd like it to be.  Its time to see the doc and get that under control.  We are looking into joining the YMCA again, it's a little pricey, but I used that membership more than I have used the Winfit membership to our really small gym down the road.  

Knees are starting to get bad.  In fact, while loading equipment on Friday of last week, my left knee gave out and I banged the right one with my heavy keyboard case.  I've only lost a few pounds and I'm not feeling well at all.  

I'm whining and giving excuses, but that's where I'm at, at the moment.  Hopefully this week will be a turn around.  I have been eating healthier in the mornings and lunchtime. Bringing my lunch is key and it does save a lot of money. 

Fall is here and color is changing very fast and the month has flown by.  Seems like time is getting shorter and faster.  I took the shot above, last year in October, when the color started to change.  I loved the path walking out into the water with the reflection.  It was such a peaceful day and a happy one. 

As the old joke goes... break is over... back on my head. :)

Write more soon.

Namaste

328.1

Day 6 - Wrapping Up and Moving On

Six days in.  Ups and downs.  Going on and going off.  This was a week of clearing the schedule of getting back on the "change".  Lunch out with the rep from Apex.  Partaking in a last breakfast at work for a while.  Finishing off dining during the week at the Egg'clectic Cafe for breakfast.  Getting a chance to see my awesome cousin, who I have not seen in 13 years!  Doing an outdoor gig at the Biker Bash in Durand, IL yesterday and stopping over at our singer Beth's house out in the country for a BBQ and really killer food that she prepared for us.  She was the hostess with the mostest yesterday.  Down 3 pounds to 327. 

This was a week of eeking out my schedule to clear the way for a total immersion into the next phase of the "change".  What do I mean by "change"?  There are  certain things you need to prepare for mentally and physically.  

• Getting your mind clear and focused that you are not going to pick up just anything to eat anymore.  
• Getting mentally prepared to start an exercise routine, slowly and work your way up.  Its a marathon, not the Biggest Loser.  
• Reflecting and envisioning yourself as already at the desired weight that you want to be.  

You don't need to Bob-Harper-Shock your system.  I'm sorry, but there's just something dangerous about that whole thing to me.  Mind you, the transformations are amazing, but getting yelled at into submission is just not my cup of tea.  If its yours, knock your socks off, hire Dolvett and enjoy yourself.  It's inspiring to watch the Biggest Loser, but there are so many aspects of it that I just can't stand.  Here's a great way to change the series for lots of people, to make it more worthwhile and inspirational.  STOP SENDING PEOPLE HOME!  Why not keep them for the season, weigh them in at the end and give them the prize money at that time.  Do the sixteen weeks like you normally do and then send them all home to finish that last couple of months on their own.  Bring them back and weight them all in.  Give a 1st, 2nd and 3rd place monetary prize to them and leave it at that.  You will get a hell of a lot more people following the show.  Still do the challenges for items you've been giving away in the past.  Still put them in a situations where they have to work things out with one another.  Let it be inspirational.  When you do things for the greed and for the competition of pushing someone off of a show, it just teaches a society that it's okay to do those sort of things to one another.  It sets a bad precedent.  Reality shows that have elimination just scream volumes of what is wrong with society.  Okay... I digress.  I'm rambling about something other than what I'm doing.  

This week's agenda:

1. Lunch brought with me everyday.  Meals contained to at least 500 calories without going over.
2. Two 200 calorie or less snacks every day between meals.
3. Lower sugar intake.  
4. Test blood sugar every day again. 
5. Start walking.  Not long distances, but something more than just walking with the guys to Dunkin Donuts for their afternoon or morning coffee.  A walk around the Des Plaines River trail and back to work if its not too ungodly hot out.  
6. Start edging my way into getting up at 5 am.  If I can swing myself into this routine again, then I can exercise before I get ready in the morning.  What form of exercise?  Get Your Shape: Fitness Evolved 2012 out again for the Kinect.  Its such and awesome XBox tool.  Biggest Loser is okay, but Bob screaming, "c'mon you overweight lover" ever 5 minutes is freaking annoying as all hell and the exercises aren't that well done.  YS:FE by Ubisoft is just a killer program but most of all, it's fun.
7. Find time to meditate, journal and reflect.  
8. Last but not least, bed by 9/9:30. 

Sounds like a lot, but its really not. The best thing I can do for myself is just be myself and not beat up on myself.  If it falls into line; great.  If it doesn't; pick myself up and have a character building day! (thanks Les Brown for that jewel)  Wish me luck folks!  I'm off and running. :)