Day #22 and TMM

Checking in. It's Day #22.

Weight 344.2 (down 3 pounds)
Blood Sugars 107 (wow I haven't had sugars this low in years in the mornings)

Book finished: "Emergence" by Derek Rydall (excellent, highly recommend)

Car audio started: Jim Butcher's 1st book from the Codex Alera series "Furies of Calderon". Loving it so far. This is way different from The Dresden Files books, but so far it is really good.  Who knew that you could take a challenge from a fan about two lame subjects and write 6 books about it and have it become a best seller. (Pokemon and The Lost Roman Legion.  And just to be fair, it was lame in the fan's eyes)

New foods:

• Keto fried chicken - mmmmm...so good. 
• Keto riced cauliflower chicken soup.  Chicken and rice! OMG this is so good.
• Keto ice cream - heavy whipping cream, with strawberries and Splenda.  Mmmmm mmm good.

Starting tomorrow morning: The Miracle Morning 30 Day Challenge.  Yep, it's time.  I've put this off long enough.  I just watched a keynote by Hal Elrod that was his first one back after going through chemotherapy.  You know, it gave me that kick in the pants of "what the hell am I waiting for." Lots of great takeaways.  Here is the video if you want to watch.  He teaches the whole method of The Miracle Morning in this hour and shares his story.  He is an amazing inspiration.

So while Hal teaches the method here, I highly recommend getting his book for a lot of in-depth information on the Life S.A.V.E.R.S. and how to get the most out of them.  I've read through it twice now.  Something I don't normally do with a book.  I may go back and reference it from time to time, but I rarely reread something.  

Starting early tomorrow morning (5 am is my plan) I'll be doing

• S.ilence - 10 minutes of meditation with my Calm app.
• A.ffirmations - 10 minutes of affirmations with one of my Paraliminals recordings.
• V.isualization - 10 minutes of visualizing my weight loss and health recovery journey.
• E.xercise - 10 minutes of stretching and some form of exercise to get my heart rate up a little.
• R.eading - 10 minutes of reading from Jon Vroman's "The Front Row Factor".
• S.cribing - 10 minutes writing in my Diaro journal.

This will be the 60 minute routine (maybe more) to begin the day.  I'll report back in here on my blog as I go along with my weight loss and TMM (The Miracle Morning) journey.

Also, listen to Hal's podcast.  It's one of the best podcasts on the internet.  The diversity that he covers with subjects on success and self development is part of the reason I undertook this journey I'm now on.  I wouldn't have heard of Jon Vroman or Derek Rydall if I hadn't downloaded some of these podcasts to listen to on my commute.  I listen to podcasts in the morning on the way in and I listen to fiction on Audible in the afternoon drive to unwind in what is sometimes 2 1/2 hour traffic home.

Buy the book.  Try it out.  At least watch the video above.

Musical inspiration for the week. Lori Diamond & Fred Abatelli - "OM". I love this song. I did a video for them for this song that you can watch below. Great artists, excellent album and just the most kind and loving couple I've ever met in the indie market.  I used to play them on my radio show and now I listen to them at least once a day.

Have a peaceful and positive week everyone! 

Day #15

I decided to try something different today. Updating via the Blogger phone app.  Yeah, bad idea.  It didn't save, didn't upload and basically lost everything I typed.  Ah...live an learn.

So, Day 15.  Blood sugars 111 for fasting. Weigh-in 247.2 (another two pounds).

New foods tried.

Mashed Cauliflower. Oh boy, does this taste like mashed potatoes.  Yum.

Almond Flour Pizza Crust. OMG, this is so good.  Definitely a keeper.

Coconut Flour Bread.  First batch was weird.  My wife is retrying the recipe as I write this.

I'm also going to start sharing the reasons I'm switching to way of eating and getting healthy.

Reason #1 - I'd like to live longer.
Not only for me, but for my family.  I don't want to be kicking off early because Type 2 Diabetes takes my legs, kidneys, eyes and heart.  Nope, I'm going to fight this.  I have a clear vision now and it involves hiking, traveling and enjoying a more active lifestyle in the coming days.

I'll share more reasons in the weeks to come.

And now for a little inspirational music for the day.  From my musician friend Jennifer Thomas.  An uplifting piece of music that I have on my positive and motivational playlists for when I walk and work.  She has a new video coming out tomorrow that I will share when it's released.  If you don't own Jennifer's albums, go buy them.  You won't be disappointed.  Jennifer also has a Patreon page.  You can be part of the production of her latest videos and help support her as an artist.  Pretty cool perks she has too.  Have a peaceful and inspiring week everyone!

Day #6 - Pushing on through

So it's Day 6.  From reading blogs and groups on Facebook, plus reading some tips and techniques from DietDoctor.com; I've read that the first two weeks are the hardest as your body switches from carb burning to fat burning.  I have hit a few bumps, but nothing serious so far:

• Headaches
• A few leg cramps (but not bad)
• Lethargy (but not too much) 
• A few moments of constipation, but even that didn't last very long.

I started at 368 pounds.  This morning I weighed in at 353.8 pounds!  15 pounds down in 6 days.  Now, mind you, some of that is probably water weight, but it's a good start.  Things I'm starting to noticed:

A little more energy in the morning
Breathing easier
Back is going out less, but that will take some more weigh loss to correct
Able to walk a little further than I have been without being out of breath
I'm less hungry. That's the cool part.
My sugar cravings are subsiding.  We had one last night and did some berries in high fat Greek yogurt.  It was like ice cream...kinda.

I have not done my measurements.  I'm going to wait on that until the two week mark.  First day was 59" on the waist and 57" on the chest.

I took this week off as a Staycation, so that I could get adjusted to my new WOE (way of eating).

So far the menu has been:

• Burgers off the grill
• Broccoli with shredded cheddar and butter
• Eggs (I love eggs) scrambled, omelet and hard boiled for lunch
• Cottage Cheese - high fat
• Salads
• Chicken off the grill seasoned with Penzy's 4S (awesome spices)
• Alice Springs Chicken (grilled chicken, butter basted afterwards with sauteed mushrooms, bacon and topped with cheddar cheese.  A homemade kinda-honey-mustard made with Splenda, Real Mayo and Mustard) Good stuff.
• Some salami, hard cheese and olives as a snack while having a glass or two of Cabernet at night time.

Big difference is the blood sugars as well this week.  I started off between 130-150 range for fasting blood glucose levels over the last few weeks.  Each day it has steadily dropped.  128, 124, 110, 109, 103.  During the day, the range has been 75 to 95.  I've actually dropped off of Glimepiride and Byetta for now, because I was dropping low the first couple of days.  I'm still on my Metformin, Jardiance and Actos for right now.

I'm really enjoying this WOE.  It's also been super fun doing this with my wife.  As we traverse what works for us and what doesn't, it's been fun to explore our dietary options.

I also received my new phone this week, so that's been exciting too and we went and got our library cards as well.  I forget how much I love libraries. Ours is amazing too.  We might take a trip to the big one in downtown Aurora today.

Whew...I know, it's a lot for an update, but I'm really excited about where I'm going now.  I hope that everyone is having a great summer so far and I will keep everyone posted in the weeks to come.

Struggling But Waking Up

I'm not sure where things fell apart for me.  

You get up, you try to do your best in the world and regain something that you once had and it just seems so far out of reach.

I'm talking about my health.  Let me share, because it brings some perspective to me and might help someone else.

83 to 87 - around 200 to 215 pounds.  More active than I am now, that's for sure.  Nothing sport related.  

87 to 91 - shot up from 215 to 355.  Stress and emotional related eating. Quit smoking in 91.

91 to 92 - went on Richard Simmons Deal-a-meal went back down to 225 and was featured in his newsletter in 94.  

93 to 94 - became vegetarian, went down to 180.  Bones were showing.  Not health for my big boned body.

95 to 96 - gradually put on some weight again.  Still vegetarian, but brought it back up to 200 to 205 Walked at the Morton Arboretum a lot and all over Naperville during these 91 to 96 years.

97 to 99 - put a little weight on to play Jake in the Blues Brothers.  Went up to 235 to 245.  98 I went back to meat.  Smoked again till 99.  

00 to 04 - hovered between 245 and 260 drinking more, started smoking again in 2003.

05 to 08 - hovered between 260 and 280

2008 - Quit smoking for good this time.

08 to 10 - Boom, up to 380.  Smoking gone, no exercise and emotional eating from job tanking.  Add to that undiagnosed sleep apnea at the time.

11 to 12 - Dropped back down to 325 with low glycemic diet. A little walking.  Got my CPAP. Diagnosed Sleep Apnea and GERD.

2012 - 12/7/12 my D day.  Diagnosed Type 2 Diabetes.  A1C 11.2 Blood Sugar that morning was 582.

13 to 16 - Mild weight gain.  Various medications.  Swings down and then back up.  Went down to 298.  Went up to 335.  Hovered there.  Exercise all over the place.

2017 - A1C high, 5 medications and a new one that has made me gain weight back. Diabetic neuropathy (nerve pain in the feet).  My pants aren't closing very well, problems breathing, back goes out (and I mean severe lower back pain and spasms) when I walk more than a block.  My sugars were normal for a while, but now starting to run high again.  My A1C dropped down to 6.6 at my last visit. Managed diabetes range. Weight at the doctors office was 365.  Now 370 after a couple of weeks. Add to that the fact that I'm struggling with panic attacks, anxiety and depression, which I have started taking a medication for.  

So at 52, I'm a mess.  I get mixed signals about what I want to do and where I want to go with career. I get mixed feelings about what I want to learn and what I want to do for my health and well being. And I'm not talking mixed signals from others.  I'm talking mixed signals from my own dialog. 

"Yeah, wouldn't it be cool to go into Data Science."

My mind says, "you're too old to relearn all the math you need to know to even begin to be in this field."

"Yeah, wouldn't it be cool to write some novels and some self help books?"

My mind says "when are you going to find the time...what do you know that someone would want to know...you can't write self help, you're a mess, look how fat and old you are....no one wants to listen to a fat old guy." the fight goes on internally.  

Enter a book called "The Miracle Morning" by Hal Elrod.  I started reading this last month and finished it pretty quickly.  I drank in the podcasts on his site, which are awesome.  Inspiring pods from Honoree Corder, Jon Vroman, Christine Hassler, Ryland Engelhart and Jon Berghoff to name a few.  Just incredible stuff.  I feel like a sponge right now.  Jon Vroman's book just came out called "The Front Row Factor".  I just spent my last couple of dollars that I had this week to get a copy of it. His interview with Jon Berghoff on the Achieve Your Goals podcast that is from Hal Elrod's site, was one of the most inspiring talks I've heard in years.  Not only that, but it's making me rethink a few things.  

I seem to be chasing after something that isn't there, instead of living in the moment and healing myself.  I got out of the radio shows, because I felt the need to shift my purpose.  I thought I knew what I wanted it to be, but I'm not so sure anymore.  So while I'm deep diving into what I want that to be when I grow up, I'll still be heading towards some form of Data Science, which I might only try to focus on one aspect of it.  A lot of what I already do, can be considered as data science, but it isn't labeled that at the moment.  It's always about semantics in IT and ADA (another damn acronym). 

The writing piece I really want to do, but we'll see where that leads too as well.  I think my big main focus for me is to get my health under control.  Lose the weight, exercise, meditate and eat healthy. I'm also going to start practicing the Miracle Morning.  If you have not read this book or have been mildly interested in reading it, I couldn't recommend it more.  It's what started this ball rolling.  Hal Elrod is a genuine guy.  He's also battling a rare form of cancer at the moment and Jon Berghoff has stepped into do his podcasts for him while he heals.  My gratitude for him is immense.  He's helped to wrench me out of my rut.  Mr. Vroman took it a step further last night, while I was stuck in deep traffic riding home.  I am really looking forward to diving into "The Front Row Factor".  If you are not familiar with Jon's foundation, The Front Row Foundation, go check it out.  It's a very cool Wish model.  

So, what about music?  Well, I'll always be creating music.  I'm just getting into working on a side project with a great songwriter.  So I'll keep you all informed as that becomes available.  I still want to do a duo performance project with my wonderful wife.  We'd like to do some ConcertWindow style shows and then start branching out into the community to perform at various venues in the area. Music is in my blood.  It always will be.  I have plans for a new piano album and a new ambient meditation album as well.  Plus I have always wanted to record a guided meditation.  Mike Sherrill has told me several times that I'd be good at putting people to sleep.  (said in his voice. kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk) 

The mojo is working again.  Time to pull myself out of the quagmire that I have been stuck in for quite some time.  Time for the Sleeper to Awaken.  Stay with me my friends as the phoenix tries to rise from the ashes once again.  

"A person needs new experiences. It jars something deep inside, allowing them to grow. Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken." (Duke Leto Atreides - "Dune")

Marching On!

Another day, another day, another day...

Yeah, and another blog post!  LOL  You know what?  I haven't done very well with blogging.  It has not been a focus like I wanted it to be.  A new year resolution of mine was to start blogging and writing again.  I have 4 blogs.  This one, a music review one, one for diabetic stress relief and one for Thoughts For The Day.  I'm going to try to take time for all 4 now.  It's not like I have to do these huge tomes of material, but sometimes I like to rant and share my store or what's going on inside me.  Big thing with me, was kick-starting my health plan again.

What was stopping me again?  Fear? Laziness? Doubt? A little of each. Laziness because of exhaustion from work and stress.  Fear of the pain of working out or starving myself with a diet and of people looking at me and judging me at the gym.  Doubt in the form of "is this going to work?", "I'm not good at keeping an exercise schedule" and "do I have what it takes to do this again?".  All mind memes.  Or what Richard Broadie coined as "Viruses of the Mind". (fascinating read, by the way) and brought to light in a big way, by late great author Wayne Dyer (RIP) in "Excuses Be Gone!".

In the past, you've read some posts of "trudging on" or "starting over again".  Yeah, that "stuff" has to stop.  I'm gonna or I should had to stop.  You can only should all over yourself so many times before should hits the fan.  I'm definitely committed this time.  Back in November, I touched 355 pounds again. I started to use MyFitnessPal again.  Even over the holidays I was keeping track of what I was eating when I took my two week vacation.  I still indulged myself in some fun holiday foods, but I didn't over do it, like I have in the past.  Today I am at 331 pounds.  24 pounds down from where I was just over 2 months ago.  I feel like I'm starting to see some descent progress.

We went out last weekend to the New Balance store in Batavia and I purchased a brand new pair of walking shoes and started to head to the Vaughn Athletic Center in Aurora after work to walk their great upstairs track.  The pain of starting a walking regimen again, sunk in, but I worked through it.  Still working through it as I type this.  My left hip is killing me this morning, but it's just a pain of getting back into exercise.  Going to push through it and do some stretching exercises in a bit,  because I'm starting to feel better walking again.  I love these new shoes too!!  The sales associate at New Balance was awesome.  It's one of the best experiences in a store, that I have had in a long time.
It feels good to write again.  Sharing my journey is something I've wanted to do all along.  Why?  Because maybe someone will get something out of it.  We can all get support, tips, hope, struggles, fears, happiness and insight from other's stories.  I love reading other people blogs and stories and interacting with them, when I get the chance.  Reading other blogs has given me so much inspiration and motivation to become introspective and move forward with my hopes and dreams as well.  Maybe someone will glean something from what I say.  If so, great; if not...well, it's just a platform for me to share.

Have a peaceful weekend everyone.  Stay safe on the East Coast from Jonas. Hunker down and read a good book. :)

Peace everyone,
Dave

Reading right now:
Success Principles by Jack Cornfield (updated version)
Excuses Be Gone! by Wayne Dyer (rereading)

Audible book:
Proven Guilty - Book 8 of The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher (excellent series)

Music that I can't stop listening too:
Les Friction - Les Friction - This is like an epic score album with vocals ala Freddy Mercury style.

Robert Jon & the Wreck - Glory Road - The best indie Southern Rock band.  This is their latest release and has some songwriting with great harmonies.  Title track is one of my favorite songs.

Two Steps From Hell - Invincible - The best epic score writers and my favorite album of theirs.

Jennifer Thomas - Winter Symphony - Jennifer is the best classical crossover composer in the world a great new holiday album but also a great Winter soundtrack.  Read my review.

Stein Thor - Skuggaskil - I can't say enough about this guy.  Everything he releases is magical.  This is mostly solo piano, until you get to track 9, with haunting flute and cello.  Stein is one of my favorite composers as well.

Lori Diamond & Fred Abatelli - Lifted - Beautiful music. Beautiful people.  Makes a beautiful album.  Takes me back to a time of great singer/songwriter music from the 70s.  Telling stories and soulfully singing some great music.  I think I have listened to this one album more in the last year than any other in my collection over the last 10.  Read my review.

Starting Back Up Again

Grandpa and Baby Belle

Started walking again this week. Finally got to a weight where my knees and back don't hurt as much. Still hurting, but still dropping weight too. Phentermine that my doc put me on two months ago, is helping a lot.

I'm grateful to have normal blood pressure to be able to use such a medication in the short term.

Blood sugar is leveling out in the mornings and doing better. Need to curb the wine. That's where I'm noticing the big issues lately.

Fully into recommitting myself to get healthy.

Today I was going to walk, but it's 90 degrees out at the moment and the air is super thick. Pollen level is high and breathing is an issue for me the opening month of Summer. So; what to do? Swimming. The pool is open. It's great for me to do some pool aerobics. Why not. :)  Looking forward to hitting the pool.

I have some video editing projects to complete and kick off this evening. One is for a CDE who is putting together program and showing what artists and musicians do to express their diabetes. I am grateful to be apart of the project. It gives me the ability to share my artwork, my music and my animations that I have worked on over the years.

Will be posting more regularly, now that I've pulled my proverbial head out of my butt.

Everyone have a peaceful and active day!

Again, I forge onward.

It's lunchtime on the 12th of March. My step-son's birthday is today. Looking forward to doing Medieval Times again for both boy's birthday celebrations. Winter has come and thankfully gone. Not much to do but stay in doors and eat this winter. Where does that get you? 354 pounds and a high daily blood glucose level. Yep, it's time to pick up the pieces and forge onward and upward. I blew the dust off MyFitnessPal, opened up MapMyWalk and walked .77 miles today, .5 yesterday.

The problem I have is working through immense back pain a quarter mile in from the weight I'm carrying in front. I need to walk though, so I'll start off small and go from there. I want to be up to walking a mile by Monday or Tuesday next week and then up to two miles by the end of March. I want to walk downtown this summer and walk some Diabetes support walks and maybe a breast cancer walk or two. I loved walking once before, and I'll love it once again. Mary and I have been talking about joining the AVA (American Volksport Association) and doing some 5 and 10K walks, when I get down about 70 pounds and am able to walk those distances again, is when we will join. It's something to shoot for. You're never too old. Plus, I feel like it's time.

Wish me luck folks.

Stop by and listen to the Musical Relaxation Station if you need some stress relief. We recently went to a self hypnosis class at the Unitarian Universalist Society of Geneva. It was excellent! It is also what has helped get me all geared up for a change for the better in health. More information on that to come.

Like before, I've always said I'd post my stories here. And I'll hopefully be more regular in that respect. For now, everyone have a peaceful day. Get out and walk! It's beautiful outside and Spring is in the air, in some parts of the country. I know outside of Chicago its a warm welcome. :)

Dave

Where do I begin.  It's 4/7/2014.  A lot has happened since I wrote in this blog.  We've had a lot of people pass in our lives. Including my mother.  Who I miss dearly. My health has not gotten any better, in fact, it feels like it's getting worse.  I went to SXSW this last month.  Sent to the event by my company.  Which was totally awesome, but I was in no shape to walk the 1.7 miles each way from the downtown area of Austin, Texas to the AirBnB house we rented while we were down there.  I felt like I put an immense burden on the guys that I stayed with as well.  The second night we were there, was the opening night of the event.  I logged over 16,000+ steps on my Noom walking count, and it was probably even more than that, because we flipped the midnight counter by the time I got home.  It seemed like nothing short of a miracle that someone had been available with their little golf cart, to take me back to the house.  After having my battery on my phone die before this happened and sending out a help request to the guys I was with...pulling them away from a party they were attending.  Embarrassing to say the least.  My feet hurt, my back hurt, I drank a lot and just didn't feel well the whole time I was there.  I took long breaks in between events and just sat and took in the surroundings.  Now mind you, I still had an awesome time!  

So this is one example of many, lately.  I was to a point yesterday, that I was at band practice and my feet got cold from the basement floor and they started to cramp.  Blood flow to my feet has not been good the last few years and when they get cold they cramp, badly.  I feel like a hindrance there as well.  I know, it sounds like woe is me, but really, it's not.  I'm just not in shape and need to take control of it again.  I'm really tired of feeling tired all the time and the excuse of getting old or having diabetes, just isn't flying with me at all this morning.  

So I started MyFitnessPal back up.  I've swapped out my work shoes to see if I can get a mild walk in today, because my Nike's I've been wearing, seem to be hurting my feet even more lately.  I'm going to head out to Subway for lunch today and get a healthy sandwich or salad and walk a little.  I need to start back up slowly, but I need to start.  My energy is stuck in the "pit of despair" (Princess Bride reference).  Hoping that this starts to bring my blood sugar back in balance and I start to lose weight again.  I really want to see 260 in the next 8 months, or even lower.  There's so much I want to do with family that I feel like I'm holding us back. 

Thanks for reading this blog.  Hopefully I'll have more positive exciting things to post about my progress soon. :)

Peace,

Dave

PS. Drop by my radio shows sometime.  There are 4 stations set up.  One is a regular Monday night live show called Independent Share that runs from 7pm to 10pm CST:

The other is the Musical Relaxation Station, which I try to sneak in a show here and there on the weekends:

Two new ones are Rock and Progressive Rock relates.  The first is Melodic Rock Radio:

and the second is ProgCrastination, which might take on a life of it's own here soon and have a regular schedule:   

Time passes by...

3 months ago I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes.  I've looked at it as a wake up call.  I've done some changes to diet and exercise regimens, I have even gone to classes for Diabetes Education and have also been reading like a madman.  For all the promise and hope of reversing Diabetes, they are all just really the ability to stave off the inevitable of having it come back at a later age.  You are buying time for when the pancreas actually does shut down and stops producing insulin.

I pop 4 Metformin a day, 1 Onglyza, 1 Crestor, 1 Omeprazole and 1 hit in each nostril of Dymista (Flonase with an allergy medicine in it for sinusitis).  It is my daily pill regimen now. I sit here listening to Yes' album "The Ladder", with promises of a better day and a hopeful life and love and light and all those things, but it doesn't mean they will come true.  But I would like to believe that there is some moment of peace for me that I have not found yet with this disease that I have.  I've not let it bother me till tonight, but taking the pills tonight, it struck me.  Is this to be the rest of my life?  Popping pills to keep the inevitable at bay?

I have thought of going Vegan, I have read so much from the books "Forks Over Knives", "Engine 2 Diet", "The China Study" and also Neal Barnard's book "Reversing Diabetes", and I have high hopes that even something like this might help. But will it really help me?  I'm not sure.  I trudge on as time passes and pop pills several times a day.

Okay, so I'm not having to wear a pump or poke myself with a needle to give myself insulin...yet, but I know one day it will come.  Some say, "well, you could also get hit by a bus tomorrow."  true, very true, and I guess I look at that perspective as well, but sometimes I sit here and just let it get to me, so I write.  And I share.  Because you never know who is out there who has some of the same feelings and issues based on what is going on inside while dealing with Diabetes or any disease for that matter.  Know you're not alone in that thought.

I've been asked many times now, "how are you feeling?" Not just by Facebook lately (LOL) but walking into the doctor's office, the dentist recently and my favorite, the Diabetes Ed Nurse and Dietitian.  I didn't even think of it bothering me in the beginning.  I was handling it pretty well.  I've been learning about stress and stress relief while researching for my site www.diabeticstressrelief.com and while doing this have been reading about how some people have extreme stress anxiety as it relates to their Diabetes.  Its overwhelming to them.

Diet, exercise, pills, testing your blood glucose regularly, counting calories and trying your best not to go overboard on eating and getting lazy or complacent with your exercise is stressful. You have thoughts of "why even worry about it?" or struggling with your own mortality before you want struggle with it.  Well, the overwhelm has hit me.  I'm sitting here and trying to listen to some positive music tonight and writing to let go of some of this stress.  I've watched some of my videos and those do relax me, which is cool that my own stuff works on me pretty well, but  I had to put on some Yes as well.  I needed some positive reinforcement and some blogging.

If I can share just one thing with people, its to relax and let go.  Writing helps, music helps (positive lyrics or just instrumentals), watching an uplifting movie; for some prayer helps, meditating, visualization exercises...whatever it takes, hang in there for one more day.  Things are always better and brighter tomorrow, but mostly, be in the present moment.  Sit with this thing called Diabetes and realize that its something that is a part of you now, it does not own you, you own it.  You do not have to let it rule you, make you an emotional mess or ruin your vision of a brighter future, because that comes from a place of fear and as it is said in the book "Dune"...

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." 

Conquer that fear and replace it with some happiness.

A friend pointed me to an article that talked about finding the "Drops of Awesome" and to fill up that bucket with every drop of awesome that I can think of.  That's what I have been trying to do as I sit here and write and share.

I leave you with this.  A song from the album that I've been listening too this evening, the band is Yes, the song is from "The Ladder" and is called "Finally".  Listen to the words, very powerful and they help me get centered from the fear that I create in my mind about this disease.  "Finally we've put it to the test!"  One last thing to report, my 3 month check, was great.  My A1C is 6.8 now and that is considered "under control" for a Diabetic.  It was 11.2 when I saw him 3 months ago.

Namaste,

Dave

Sometimes You Need to Refocus

Yeah, it's late.  Yeah, I'm tired.  And sometimes you are battling internal struggles with weight and self esteem and need to refocus on what you are trying to accomplish.  This is my battle song, and it happens to be called "Battles".  This was Axe's "Comfortably Numb" or "Crystal Ball"  Just some good stuff.  Great lead guitar part.  I listen to this to give me strength and let me know that I can carry on and do anything. And I will.

Trudging Along With Hope and Happiness

Since Dec 7th, 2012, when I was diagnosed with fullblown type II Diabetes, I have been up and down with my emotions and weight.  I'm on four brand new medications, diet changes and tracking everything that I do now (diet, blood pressure, sleep and glucose).  It all seemed overwhelming at first, until last night when I started to see a glimmer of balance and some hope. 

My wife and I went to diabetes education group classes last night and for once I didn't feel alone in the world of my disease.  These were people that were just diagnosed or have had it but didn't have the right education for how to manage it.  Now, not everything the teachers were teaching was accurate.  In fact, we walked away from the clases going, "huh?" at a lot of things my doctor had told us that contradict what these educators were saying.  We just received the latest ADA book called Diabetes A to Z.  I highly recommend it, because it is current and up to date information that is easy to understand.  It's not a huge book either, but it has a lot of great information in it.  

The teachers, a CDE (certified diabetic educator) and a CN (certified nutritionist) are not up to speed on some of their items they are teaching.  So much so, that it is misleading to these people that are in the class with us.  How confusing is that?  How do you tell these nurses to go update themselves on the latest information and literature that is put out by the ADA and stop teaching things that are not part of the ADA curriculum anymore?  So I just have to let that go and hope that these people get some right education from their doctors.  I am going to tell my doctor (since he is prescribing these courses) that these two are not sharing some of the right information.  The one has been teaching nutrition for 10 years and the other has been doing diabetes education for 27 years.  

I'm from the IT field.  Where we constantly have to learn new technologies and upgrade our coding skills when new versions of software come out.  If you don't, you are out of a job or get left in the dust.  These are people lives you are dealing with, and if you don't upgrade your skills, you should probably be out of a job too.  Just sayin'.  

So, we did walk away with some good tips and some not so good tips.  But it was just wonderful to be with people who all had the same questions and were going through the same set of issues and emotions that we all go through when diagnosed.  It was nice to have a group of people to lean on.

Maintaining the new regimen of exercise has been tough this week because I have a nasty head cold.  Probably the worst I've had in a few years.  I found out a lot of information of how our blood sugars get whacked out by having a cold or flu. I did not know could happen, until last night.  So this is one piece of good information that I have walked away with last night.

I have started to use MyFitnessPal instead of MyNetDiary.  The UI is more friendly and the database is absolutely huge! You can scan item bar-codes and set your goals, blog and make some new friends in weightloss along the way.  I've seen SparkPeople, LoseIt and several others, but this works with my FitBit that I just ordered to help track my steps, stairs, sleep and other items.  My software for my Accu-Check Nano came today as well, so now I can hook it up to my PC and transfer my data to the software. 

It's all coming together to help me manage and put this thing called Diabetes in its place.  Gives me hope and some peace.  

Here is to a peaceful, prosperous and healthy New Year for everyone. 

Namaste.

Well, I've hit bottom

Day 95... do I really need to keep counting the days?

Probably not. :)

I'll do so for key milestones.

Weight: 333.2
A1C: 11.2

Doctor's diagnosis? Full blown Type II Diabetes. 

How do I feel about it? Scared, depressed and motivated.

 I'm not on two medications. Crestor and Metformin.



Goal 1: Lose the weight, get diet and sugars under control. Get off medication.

Goal 2: Find other forms of stress reduction than eating. Big one is exercising, second big one is music & meditation.

Goal 3: Just enjoy life everyday because you never know how much longer you have.

That is all for now, Happy Holidays EVERYONE!!

Namaste