Friday, July 20, 2018

Notes From the Edge and Other Places


Life


It's been a rough couple of months after returning from Boston.  Since that time, I've lost a few friends, gained a few, had big projects fall away, gained a new one, gained lots of weight, drank lots of wine, sprained my ankle, fallen a few times (before the ankle), been sick a few times, been exhausted most of the time, been told I'm an asshole, bad person, unprofessional, threatened and all around, shit on.  I haven't been doing radio shows because, on top of all of that, my commute has had an hour added to it each way and my health has been horrible.  My anxiety and depression has gotten worse as well and a lot of days I'm just trying to cope.  Time to clean up and climb out of the pit of despair. 

Things Lately 


Regret. Saying things about people while drinking and not remembering that I said them, then wondered why I said them at all.  I've never felt like that about those people, but still they came out of my mouth.  I'm still processing that. 

Loss. Watching a 20 year friendship get shoved aside by the other person.  Someone you thought was like family, like a sister and a confidant; while on the phone, all of a sudden didn't have time to see or talk to you, like you were some unpaying client that they didn't have time for.  That was devastating.

Feeling Betrayed.  Being left out of a decision.  Not asked, not consulted, but assumed by a group of other people that I didn't want to be involved or at least give me the benefit of turning down the offer and then finding out that something had happened behind my back. 

Shocked; not shocked.  A project that I've worked on for 18 months, gone with the decision of one person, then revamped; then revamped again and then finally revamped again. 

Regret. Bringing my shows back too soon, because I don't have the energy to produce them or put them on at the moment. 

Solutions


Closing Doors. So that new ones can open.  A few of these people and items, just had to be let go.  I hate to see the door close, but it seems that is what is supposed to happen. 

Stop Drinking.  I don't feel good the day after.  The last 4 months I have drank to the point of forgetting when I go to bed, not knowing what I've said to and about others, Drunk-booking and binge eating and waking up with blood glucose of 200 to 300 in the morning.  I would drink a half box of wine (2+ bottles) during a 3 hour radio show and not remember thanking people for hanging out or saying good night.  I go back and listen to the end of my Monday night shows and you can hear me slurring all over the place. 

Hiatus Again. Putting the shows on hiatus till I can clean up my life a little bit more and come back more organized, in tact and sober.

Better Me. Better diet.  Better exercise.  Better sleep.

All the things that I'd like to do to get back on track again.

I'm not saying it's going to be easy, in fact it's going to suck for a while and be tough as I get through this.  But it is going to be worth it. 

So, if I have angered, upset or done things to upset any of you in the past few months, again, I apologize.  All I can do is apologize for any and all things that I have said to cause any hurt or upset.  If any of you think I'm a bad person, I'm not.  You really don't know me, if you think this way.  So I wish you well on your journey in your life and on your own path. 

Wednesday the 18th of July, 2018 was my first day sober with many more to come.  I will do this.  I can do this. 

Peace Everyone,
Dave

Sunday, July 30, 2017

The Miracle Morning Day 21 and Keto Day 43 The Return to Space

This last Thursday night into Friday morning at 3 am I stayed up to get the new Dave's Space Place in line the way I wanted it to play out.  This is part one of a change to the format.  Part two comes together next month.  I need to revert putting that together in the mornings after I do my personal development routine, so that I can continue to bring this to the airwaves (internet waves) again.

So, here are the things I have learned this week.

1. I miss doing Dave's Space Place, so it was worth putting in the time to bring it back the way I had originally envisioned it.

2. Get enough sleep.  I haven't been doing enough of this lately and it caught up to me this weekend. Destroying the forward progress I had already made in the prior week.

3. Cut back on the wine. Period.  I was doing so good with two glasses a night.  It needs to return to that.

4. Started the 5 Second Rule audio book.  Love this book and the author.  Truthful and blunt with a great sense of humor.  Reminds me of my friend Susan Ross.  Task: Reach out to Susan.  Haven't talked to her in about 18 months.

5. Using the 5 second rule, starting today. It really does work. :)  Stopped hitting the snooze button at 6:40 am.  LOL  Got up.  Made coffee.  Took a shower.  Now sitting here writing, drinking coffee. Took Xena out potty while in the middle of writing this.  5...4...3...2...1, Move!  It really does work.

6. Things I can't eat.  I thought it was the reduced sugar ketchup, but I just discussed with Mary that we had bread & butter pickles last night and that's what spiked my blood sugar to 159 this morning. Coconut bread with peanut butter (natural no sugar kind) also spiked me a few days ago, but it might have been something else too.

Focus for the Week

1. Align my eating back to a more Keto way of eating.  We are experimenting and finding what works and what doesn't, but I want to buckle down some more with my own plate and get back to burning the fat.  I'm sitting in the 340s and have been going up and down between 343 and 347 for the last two weeks.

2. I want to start making some recipes too and helping out with some cooking.  Time to make some menu plans and get focused and help out more.

3. Get back to my morning rituals.  I'm really digging The Miracle Morning way of doing things.  I've adapted some of it to my own way of doing the routine in the morning.  It's working for me beautifully.   More on that in a second.

4. Finish reading 5 Second Rule (listening on Audible actually)

5. Walk a little more (adding a little more each day), even just a little bit more.

6. Get the weights over to my desk so I can do a little light lifting when I get home.  Need to start incorporating my muscles back into my routine.

7. Seriously start tracking my food again.  It really does help to see how many carbs I've been eating and I got away from that the last two weeks. I know, "you really don't have to do that on this diet..." guess what, I want too.  I want to know what's working and what isn't.  Becoming more serious about this.  I liked not waking up with a blood sugar over 150 in the mornings and a 6.2 A1C at the doctor's office.  It's worth it to me now.

8. Get to the library this week.  We've been wanting too, so let's find time and make it work.

9. More focus on data science.

The Miracle Morning

The book that kicked me in the butt back in January, but didn't take hold till late May.  I love getting up at 5 am and I'm striving to hit a new goal of 4:30 am soon and then work to hitting 4 am if I can.  I love the time in the morning doing meditation, visualization, a little affirmation, reading and writing.  The Life SAVERS™ is what Hal Elrod calls them.

Silence (meditation)
Affirmations
Visualization
Exercise
Reading
Scribing (writing)

I wake up.  I do a little silent breathing mindfulness meditation for 5 minutes, then I listen to a binural beat audio called Zen12, which is a meditation recording that has 12 months to help train your brain to enter into deep meditation a little easier.  I absolutely love it!  It brings me into a calm and focused state.

Then, I use Learning Strategies Paraliminals for affirmations and visualization.  It's a form of self hypnosis kicked up a notch and I love it as well.

Exercise has been walking Xena in the morning.  I'm building up strength.  A lot of you don't know, but when I was tipping the 370 pound mark back on Father's day, I had the worst back problems.  I couldn't walk 20 feet without pain and without it going out.  And please don't reach out to me and say, "find a good chiropractor", a good chiropractor is what screwed my back up in the first place and the weight just added to that.  I love the guy and he's a good friend, but my back is worse for seeing a chiropractor.  It's not for everyone. Losing the weight will allow me to strengthen it with Yoga, stretching and some muscle building exercises that I can take on fully when I've dropped down to a certain point.  Want to see a success story on a bad back?  Go watch Tony Little's story, it's out on YouTube somewhere.

Reading.  I've been reading every morning  when I get up.  10 to 20 minutes.  Then I listen to Audible books in the car.  Right now its SJ Scott's newest book 10 Minute Mindfulness on Kindle.  It's a great read.  5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins is on my Audible player at the moment and like I said above, and excellent book and she reads it and adds her own inflection which I love!

Scribing, is a little tougher.  I've been writing this journal again.  I've been trying to write blog posts when I can.  I don't know if anyone really reads this or not, but if they do and get some inspiration or find a new book or thing to try that I write about, then great.  It's worth jotting it down.  If nothing else, as a record for myself to go back and read some day.

Now more about Dave's Space Place

There are a lot of reasons for bringing back this show.   I loved doing all these shows I had set up.  Independent Share was my baby.  It may make a return some day too, but not right now.  There is too much I need to weed out in my life to focus on that puppy again.  DSP is a little easier to put together and back at the beginning, I had some grander plans for it.  I've relaunched with part of that grander plan for part one.  Part two will include a stop at a spaceport to go to a jazz lounge and listen to some intergalactic jazz, then we will disembark and head back to Earth.

So why bring it back?

1. After selfishly dropping the shows to focus on career changes and writing, I realized just how much I missed it.  I needed it.  It was a place of relaxation, unwinding from the week, de-stressing, chilling and most of all; healing.

2. Along those same lines, I realized how everyone who hung out in that show missed and/or needed it.

3. There was a community that was built on that show.  Albeit a small one, it still let everyone come, hang out, be themselves and just get into the music.  They could chat, post meaningful quotes, tell jokes, pun around with each other or just listen in while surfing or even while hanging by the pool (as one person told me last night).  So, it brought folks together, which we need more of in this messed up world right now.  I know a few who hung out had disagreements, but I hope that those have been let go so that all can enjoy the "Space" now.  I will always allow people to express themselves, but a new rule in the chat room is if you have a beef with someone, take it offline, not in the chat.  It is a peaceful place and I do not wish that peace to be broken again.  I love everyone in there and only wish that folks love each other and get along and let go of past differences and give each other big old hugs at the end of the week.  Everyone is going through their own stuff and we need to love and respect that and hopefully think before we react and respond instead.  I'm guilty of this in the past and am stepping up to stop this going forward.

4. I let people's expressions get to me, as it came to a close.  Lashing out and taking out my own deep seeded issues I was going through, out on them.  Friends even.  I am not this kind of person.  I wasn't in a good place when I shut the shows down.  I needed some time to step away from all the shows and heal.  I am now in a better place both mentally and spiritually then I have been in years.  I own what I did and I hope that I am forgiven for this as I have already forgiven myself for doing so.

5. One of my life purposes (and please don't laugh at me for this, because I've always believed this) is to bring Light into other people's lives.  I've always felt this to be true and this show happens to do this on a bigger level.  There are two other shows that I dabbled in that followed this as well.  Musical Relaxation Station and Dave's Deep Space Place.  The first was solo piano and new age music, past and present and the latter was an ambient space music show, playing everything from meditation music to dark ambient soundscapes.  I intend to bring those back as well on a regular schedule, so stay tuned for announcements.  Both of these shows are also easy to put together for me, because the music just speaks to me in a way that I know how to tie them together with an ebb and flow to the playlist.

6. Lastly, and a little further down the road.  I still want to do a positive, new-agey talk show.  Allowing Mediums, Clairvoyants, Metaphysical Teachers, Healers and Yoga practitioners to have a place to speak about their gifts and to advertise their services.  Helping them help people.  Yeah, I know, why am I doing the "airy-fairy" stuff?  Because there is a lot there that I believe in.  It's not up for debate, it's my belief system and I feel the need to help out others somewhere down the road with this.  While I state that I am a Buddhist, I follow a more Buddhist philosophy.  I believe in a Source.  I do not label it with a name like everyone else.  I do not like to follow a religion, because I don't like what that entails.  So, love me for who I am and I will love you for who your are.  I belong to a Unitarian Universalist church, where they respect what everyone believes but come together for a common purpose of helping the world through Social Justice programs and just volunteering and serving others in need.  I am returning there today for a committee meeting for our communications team.  I have not been involved in this for a long time and need to step back in and up to be an active member of this church and what it stands for in my own way.

All this being said, there you have it.  I've been asked by several people why I was bringing it back and now you know.  There is a grander plan for these things and I feel the need deep down inside to do it now. The flame is burning bright and it is purple. (someone I know will get that reference and he will laugh really hard that I said that)

I wish everyone a very peaceful and stress free week.
Namaste


Sunday, July 9, 2017

Day #22 and TMM

Checking in. It's Day #22.

Weight 344.2 (down 3 pounds)
Blood Sugars 107 (wow I haven't had sugars this low in years in the mornings)

Book finished: "Emergence" by Derek Rydall (excellent, highly recommend)

Car audio started: Jim Butcher's 1st book from the Codex Alera series "Furies of Calderon". Loving it so far. This is way different from The Dresden Files books, but so far it is really good.  Who knew that you could take a challenge from a fan about two lame subjects and write 6 books about it and have it become a best seller. (Pokemon and The Lost Roman Legion.  And just to be fair, it was lame in the fan's eyes)

New foods:


  • Keto fried chicken - mmmmm...so good. 
  • Keto riced cauliflower chicken soup.  Chicken and rice! OMG this is so good.
  • Keto ice cream - heavy whipping cream, with strawberries and Splenda.  Mmmmm mmm good.


Starting tomorrow morning: The Miracle Morning 30 Day Challenge.  Yep, it's time.  I've put this off long enough.  I just watched a keynote by Hal Elrod that was his first one back after going through chemotherapy.  You know, it gave me that kick in the pants of "what the hell am I waiting for." Lots of great takeaways.  Here is the video if you want to watch.  He teaches the whole method of The Miracle Morning in this hour and shares his story.  He is an amazing inspiration.


So while Hal teaches the method here, I highly recommend getting his book for a lot of in-depth information on the Life S.A.V.E.R.S. and how to get the most out of them.  I've read through it twice now.  Something I don't normally do with a book.  I may go back and reference it from time to time, but I rarely reread something.  

Starting early tomorrow morning (5 am is my plan) I'll be doing
  • S.ilence - 10 minutes of meditation with my Calm app.
  • A.ffirmations - 10 minutes of affirmations with one of my Paraliminals recordings.
  • V.isualization - 10 minutes of visualizing my weight loss and health recovery journey.
  • E.xercise - 10 minutes of stretching and some form of exercise to get my heart rate up a little.
  • R.eading - 10 minutes of reading from Jon Vroman's "The Front Row Factor".
  • S.cribing - 10 minutes writing in my Diaro journal.

This will be the 60 minute routine (maybe more) to begin the day.  I'll report back in here on my blog as I go along with my weight loss and TMM (The Miracle Morning) journey.

Also, listen to Hal's podcast.  It's one of the best podcasts on the internet.  The diversity that he covers with subjects on success and self development is part of the reason I undertook this journey I'm now on.  I wouldn't have heard of Jon Vroman or Derek Rydall if I hadn't downloaded some of these podcasts to listen to on my commute.  I listen to podcasts in the morning on the way in and I listen to fiction on Audible in the afternoon drive to unwind in what is sometimes 2 1/2 hour traffic home.

Buy the book.  Try it out.  At least watch the video above.

Musical inspiration for the week. Lori Diamond & Fred Abatelli - "OM". I love this song. I did a video for them for this song that you can watch below. Great artists, excellent album and just the most kind and loving couple I've ever met in the indie market.  I used to play them on my radio show and now I listen to them at least once a day.


Have a peaceful and positive week everyone! 

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Day #15

I decided to try something different today. Updating via the Blogger phone app.  Yeah, bad idea.  It didn't save, didn't upload and basically lost everything I typed.  Ah...live an learn.

So, Day 15.  Blood sugars 111 for fasting. Weigh-in 247.2 (another two pounds).

New foods tried.

Mashed Cauliflower. Oh boy, does this taste like mashed potatoes.  Yum.

Almond Flour Pizza Crust. OMG, this is so good.  Definitely a keeper.

Coconut Flour Bread.  First batch was weird.  My wife is retrying the recipe as I write this.

I'm also going to start sharing the reasons I'm switching to way of eating and getting healthy.

Reason #1 - I'd like to live longer.
Not only for me, but for my family.  I don't want to be kicking off early because Type 2 Diabetes takes my legs, kidneys, eyes and heart.  Nope, I'm going to fight this.  I have a clear vision now and it involves hiking, traveling and enjoying a more active lifestyle in the coming days.

I'll share more reasons in the weeks to come.

And now for a little inspirational music for the day.  From my musician friend Jennifer Thomas.  An uplifting piece of music that I have on my positive and motivational playlists for when I walk and work.  She has a new video coming out tomorrow that I will share when it's released.  If you don't own Jennifer's albums, go buy them.  You won't be disappointed.  Jennifer also has a Patreon page.  You can be part of the production of her latest videos and help support her as an artist.  Pretty cool perks she has too.  Have a peaceful and inspiring week everyone!



Sunday, June 25, 2017

Day #8 - Firebird Rising

Day 8

Started off with a 113 blood glucose. (Yes!)  Weighed in at 349.2 pounds  That's 4 pounds since day 6.  Picking up more energy.

My portions have been getting smaller, because I become more satiated while eating.  We've done a little heavy whipping cream in our coffee and boy am I loving that!  So decadent.

I've started to track my numbers again in MyNetDiary.  I have used a lot of different calorie/macro trackers in the last 7 years. This one I always go back too, because there are no advertisements and I get to track my glucose levels. You can also track medications, but that feature needs a redesign. The reason I went back to it, is I wanted to see just how many fewer calories I'm consuming. Which yesterday, I came in about a 100 under budget.  I also set the carb goal to 20 a day and the other goals adjusted to fit.  Pretty cool feature.

I wonder why some of these tracker apps don't share information about Keto diets.  I paid for premium on this app which to me is worth it for all the great extra features you get and it's cheaper than MyFitnessPal.  That site/app still throws a ton of ads in front of you for Under Armour (who bought them) and the Premium membership is too high for what you get.  The database on MyNetDiary is better as well.  So if you're looking to check out a great tracking app/site, give it a try.
I didn't like any of the others I tried.  Spark People and Noom Weight Loss are good apps, but their database is lacking and I'm not a big fan of Noom's way of eating.  I've always kept the free account versions of all of these, just to get the newsletters, because there are always great tips.

Well, that's my app rant.  Just wanted to drop a post, because I'm excited as more weight melts away and my blood sugars are starting to stabilize.

The reason you see my blog name as Firebird Rising (someone asked me).  The Phoenix has always had great meaning to me.  When I was younger, my best friend used to write awesome superhero stories. (I always loved them Scott)  We chose our names. I can't remember his, but I love the name Vagas.  A football player had that as his last name.  I thought it was cool.  So my superhero name became Vagas Firebird.  It has stuck with me as a name online for years.  I love images and the story of the Phoenix and the chance to rebuild out of the ashes daily from the choices that might burn us down from the day before.  The picture is from  The Phoenix card which comes from the Hidden Realms Oracle deck by Colette Baron-Reid.  Beautiful deck.  Pictures and messages are amazing, if you're into that sort of thing.

So everyone have a peaceful and less stressful week.  I'll check back in next week at this time.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Day #6 - Pushing on through


So it's Day 6.  From reading blogs and groups on Facebook, plus reading some tips and techniques from DietDoctor.com; I've read that the first two weeks are the hardest as your body switches from carb burning to fat burning.  I have hit a few bumps, but nothing serious so far:


  • Headaches
  • A few leg cramps (but not bad)
  • Lethargy (but not too much) 
  • A few moments of constipation, but even that didn't last very long.


I started at 368 pounds.  This morning I weighed in at 353.8 pounds!  15 pounds down in 6 days.  Now, mind you, some of that is probably water weight, but it's a good start.  Things I'm starting to noticed:

A little more energy in the morning
Breathing easier
Back is going out less, but that will take some more weigh loss to correct
Able to walk a little further than I have been without being out of breath
I'm less hungry. That's the cool part.
My sugar cravings are subsiding.  We had one last night and did some berries in high fat Greek yogurt.  It was like ice cream...kinda.

I have not done my measurements.  I'm going to wait on that until the two week mark.  First day was 59" on the waist and 57" on the chest.

I took this week off as a Staycation, so that I could get adjusted to my new WOE (way of eating).

So far the menu has been:


  • Burgers off the grill
  • Broccoli with shredded cheddar and butter
  • Eggs (I love eggs) scrambled, omelet and hard boiled for lunch
  • Cottage Cheese - high fat
  • Salads
  • Chicken off the grill seasoned with Penzy's 4S (awesome spices)
  • Alice Springs Chicken (grilled chicken, butter basted afterwards with sauteed mushrooms, bacon and topped with cheddar cheese.  A homemade kinda-honey-mustard made with Splenda, Real Mayo and Mustard) Good stuff.
  • Some salami, hard cheese and olives as a snack while having a glass or two of Cabernet at night time.


Big difference is the blood sugars as well this week.  I started off between 130-150 range for fasting blood glucose levels over the last few weeks.  Each day it has steadily dropped.  128, 124, 110, 109, 103.  During the day, the range has been 75 to 95.  I've actually dropped off of Glimepiride and Byetta for now, because I was dropping low the first couple of days.  I'm still on my Metformin, Jardiance and Actos for right now.

I'm really enjoying this WOE.  It's also been super fun doing this with my wife.  As we traverse what works for us and what doesn't, it's been fun to explore our dietary options.

I also received my new phone this week, so that's been exciting too and we went and got our library cards as well.  I forget how much I love libraries. Ours is amazing too.  We might take a trip to the big one in downtown Aurora today.

Whew...I know, it's a lot for an update, but I'm really excited about where I'm going now.  I hope that everyone is having a great summer so far and I will keep everyone posted in the weeks to come.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Day #1

Here we go kids.

The Father's Day gift that I give to myself is to start my Keto journey. Some call it LCHF, some call it Keto Dieting, some call it Atkins. It's all roughly the same. I have some great friends who are having awesome success with this lifestyle eating change. (I don't want to call it a diet)

My ultimate goal is to get back down to 220 pounds. If I go further than that, then great.

Here are the reasons I am doing this.
  1. To put my Type 2 Diabetes in some form of remission
  2. To be able to be active again. Walk, hike, bike. I'm missing too much.
  3. To take longer walks with my wife, kids and dogs.
  4. To just feel good again.
  5. To live longer.

There's a whole bunch of other reasons as well. I'm going to check in on here and keep a picture diary.

Day #1 368.2 pounds.