Marching On!

Another day, another day, another day...

Yeah, and another blog post!  LOL  You know what?  I haven't done very well with blogging.  It has not been a focus like I wanted it to be.  A new year resolution of mine was to start blogging and writing again.  I have 4 blogs.  This one, a music review one, one for diabetic stress relief and one for Thoughts For The Day.  I'm going to try to take time for all 4 now.  It's not like I have to do these huge tomes of material, but sometimes I like to rant and share my store or what's going on inside me.  Big thing with me, was kick-starting my health plan again.

What was stopping me again?  Fear? Laziness? Doubt? A little of each. Laziness because of exhaustion from work and stress.  Fear of the pain of working out or starving myself with a diet and of people looking at me and judging me at the gym.  Doubt in the form of "is this going to work?", "I'm not good at keeping an exercise schedule" and "do I have what it takes to do this again?".  All mind memes.  Or what Richard Broadie coined as "Viruses of the Mind". (fascinating read, by the way) and brought to light in a big way, by late great author Wayne Dyer (RIP) in "Excuses Be Gone!".

In the past, you've read some posts of "trudging on" or "starting over again".  Yeah, that "stuff" has to stop.  I'm gonna or I should had to stop.  You can only should all over yourself so many times before should hits the fan.  I'm definitely committed this time.  Back in November, I touched 355 pounds again. I started to use MyFitnessPal again.  Even over the holidays I was keeping track of what I was eating when I took my two week vacation.  I still indulged myself in some fun holiday foods, but I didn't over do it, like I have in the past.  Today I am at 331 pounds.  24 pounds down from where I was just over 2 months ago.  I feel like I'm starting to see some descent progress.

We went out last weekend to the New Balance store in Batavia and I purchased a brand new pair of walking shoes and started to head to the Vaughn Athletic Center in Aurora after work to walk their great upstairs track.  The pain of starting a walking regimen again, sunk in, but I worked through it.  Still working through it as I type this.  My left hip is killing me this morning, but it's just a pain of getting back into exercise.  Going to push through it and do some stretching exercises in a bit,  because I'm starting to feel better walking again.  I love these new shoes too!!  The sales associate at New Balance was awesome.  It's one of the best experiences in a store, that I have had in a long time.
It feels good to write again.  Sharing my journey is something I've wanted to do all along.  Why?  Because maybe someone will get something out of it.  We can all get support, tips, hope, struggles, fears, happiness and insight from other's stories.  I love reading other people blogs and stories and interacting with them, when I get the chance.  Reading other blogs has given me so much inspiration and motivation to become introspective and move forward with my hopes and dreams as well.  Maybe someone will glean something from what I say.  If so, great; if not...well, it's just a platform for me to share.

Have a peaceful weekend everyone.  Stay safe on the East Coast from Jonas. Hunker down and read a good book. :)

Peace everyone,
Dave

Reading right now:
Success Principles by Jack Cornfield (updated version)
Excuses Be Gone! by Wayne Dyer (rereading)

Audible book:
Proven Guilty - Book 8 of The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher (excellent series)

Music that I can't stop listening too:
Les Friction - Les Friction - This is like an epic score album with vocals ala Freddy Mercury style.

Robert Jon & the Wreck - Glory Road - The best indie Southern Rock band.  This is their latest release and has some songwriting with great harmonies.  Title track is one of my favorite songs.

Two Steps From Hell - Invincible - The best epic score writers and my favorite album of theirs.

Jennifer Thomas - Winter Symphony - Jennifer is the best classical crossover composer in the world a great new holiday album but also a great Winter soundtrack.  Read my review.

Stein Thor - Skuggaskil - I can't say enough about this guy.  Everything he releases is magical.  This is mostly solo piano, until you get to track 9, with haunting flute and cello.  Stein is one of my favorite composers as well.

Lori Diamond & Fred Abatelli - Lifted - Beautiful music. Beautiful people.  Makes a beautiful album.  Takes me back to a time of great singer/songwriter music from the 70s.  Telling stories and soulfully singing some great music.  I think I have listened to this one album more in the last year than any other in my collection over the last 10.  Read my review.

Starting Back Up Again

Grandpa and Baby Belle

Started walking again this week. Finally got to a weight where my knees and back don't hurt as much. Still hurting, but still dropping weight too. Phentermine that my doc put me on two months ago, is helping a lot.

I'm grateful to have normal blood pressure to be able to use such a medication in the short term.

Blood sugar is leveling out in the mornings and doing better. Need to curb the wine. That's where I'm noticing the big issues lately.

Fully into recommitting myself to get healthy.

Today I was going to walk, but it's 90 degrees out at the moment and the air is super thick. Pollen level is high and breathing is an issue for me the opening month of Summer. So; what to do? Swimming. The pool is open. It's great for me to do some pool aerobics. Why not. :)  Looking forward to hitting the pool.

I have some video editing projects to complete and kick off this evening. One is for a CDE who is putting together program and showing what artists and musicians do to express their diabetes. I am grateful to be apart of the project. It gives me the ability to share my artwork, my music and my animations that I have worked on over the years.

Will be posting more regularly, now that I've pulled my proverbial head out of my butt.

Everyone have a peaceful and active day!

Again, I forge onward.

It's lunchtime on the 12th of March. My step-son's birthday is today. Looking forward to doing Medieval Times again for both boy's birthday celebrations. Winter has come and thankfully gone. Not much to do but stay in doors and eat this winter. Where does that get you? 354 pounds and a high daily blood glucose level. Yep, it's time to pick up the pieces and forge onward and upward. I blew the dust off MyFitnessPal, opened up MapMyWalk and walked .77 miles today, .5 yesterday.

The problem I have is working through immense back pain a quarter mile in from the weight I'm carrying in front. I need to walk though, so I'll start off small and go from there. I want to be up to walking a mile by Monday or Tuesday next week and then up to two miles by the end of March. I want to walk downtown this summer and walk some Diabetes support walks and maybe a breast cancer walk or two. I loved walking once before, and I'll love it once again. Mary and I have been talking about joining the AVA (American Volksport Association) and doing some 5 and 10K walks, when I get down about 70 pounds and am able to walk those distances again, is when we will join. It's something to shoot for. You're never too old. Plus, I feel like it's time.

Wish me luck folks.

Stop by and listen to the Musical Relaxation Station if you need some stress relief. We recently went to a self hypnosis class at the Unitarian Universalist Society of Geneva. It was excellent! It is also what has helped get me all geared up for a change for the better in health. More information on that to come.

Like before, I've always said I'd post my stories here. And I'll hopefully be more regular in that respect. For now, everyone have a peaceful day. Get out and walk! It's beautiful outside and Spring is in the air, in some parts of the country. I know outside of Chicago its a warm welcome. :)

Dave

Where do I begin.  It's 4/7/2014.  A lot has happened since I wrote in this blog.  We've had a lot of people pass in our lives. Including my mother.  Who I miss dearly. My health has not gotten any better, in fact, it feels like it's getting worse.  I went to SXSW this last month.  Sent to the event by my company.  Which was totally awesome, but I was in no shape to walk the 1.7 miles each way from the downtown area of Austin, Texas to the AirBnB house we rented while we were down there.  I felt like I put an immense burden on the guys that I stayed with as well.  The second night we were there, was the opening night of the event.  I logged over 16,000+ steps on my Noom walking count, and it was probably even more than that, because we flipped the midnight counter by the time I got home.  It seemed like nothing short of a miracle that someone had been available with their little golf cart, to take me back to the house.  After having my battery on my phone die before this happened and sending out a help request to the guys I was with...pulling them away from a party they were attending.  Embarrassing to say the least.  My feet hurt, my back hurt, I drank a lot and just didn't feel well the whole time I was there.  I took long breaks in between events and just sat and took in the surroundings.  Now mind you, I still had an awesome time!  

So this is one example of many, lately.  I was to a point yesterday, that I was at band practice and my feet got cold from the basement floor and they started to cramp.  Blood flow to my feet has not been good the last few years and when they get cold they cramp, badly.  I feel like a hindrance there as well.  I know, it sounds like woe is me, but really, it's not.  I'm just not in shape and need to take control of it again.  I'm really tired of feeling tired all the time and the excuse of getting old or having diabetes, just isn't flying with me at all this morning.  

So I started MyFitnessPal back up.  I've swapped out my work shoes to see if I can get a mild walk in today, because my Nike's I've been wearing, seem to be hurting my feet even more lately.  I'm going to head out to Subway for lunch today and get a healthy sandwich or salad and walk a little.  I need to start back up slowly, but I need to start.  My energy is stuck in the "pit of despair" (Princess Bride reference).  Hoping that this starts to bring my blood sugar back in balance and I start to lose weight again.  I really want to see 260 in the next 8 months, or even lower.  There's so much I want to do with family that I feel like I'm holding us back. 

Thanks for reading this blog.  Hopefully I'll have more positive exciting things to post about my progress soon. :)

Peace,

Dave

PS. Drop by my radio shows sometime.  There are 4 stations set up.  One is a regular Monday night live show called Independent Share that runs from 7pm to 10pm CST:

The other is the Musical Relaxation Station, which I try to sneak in a show here and there on the weekends:

Two new ones are Rock and Progressive Rock relates.  The first is Melodic Rock Radio:

and the second is ProgCrastination, which might take on a life of it's own here soon and have a regular schedule:   

Time passes by...

3 months ago I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes.  I've looked at it as a wake up call.  I've done some changes to diet and exercise regimens, I have even gone to classes for Diabetes Education and have also been reading like a madman.  For all the promise and hope of reversing Diabetes, they are all just really the ability to stave off the inevitable of having it come back at a later age.  You are buying time for when the pancreas actually does shut down and stops producing insulin.

I pop 4 Metformin a day, 1 Onglyza, 1 Crestor, 1 Omeprazole and 1 hit in each nostril of Dymista (Flonase with an allergy medicine in it for sinusitis).  It is my daily pill regimen now. I sit here listening to Yes' album "The Ladder", with promises of a better day and a hopeful life and love and light and all those things, but it doesn't mean they will come true.  But I would like to believe that there is some moment of peace for me that I have not found yet with this disease that I have.  I've not let it bother me till tonight, but taking the pills tonight, it struck me.  Is this to be the rest of my life?  Popping pills to keep the inevitable at bay?

I have thought of going Vegan, I have read so much from the books "Forks Over Knives", "Engine 2 Diet", "The China Study" and also Neal Barnard's book "Reversing Diabetes", and I have high hopes that even something like this might help. But will it really help me?  I'm not sure.  I trudge on as time passes and pop pills several times a day.

Okay, so I'm not having to wear a pump or poke myself with a needle to give myself insulin...yet, but I know one day it will come.  Some say, "well, you could also get hit by a bus tomorrow."  true, very true, and I guess I look at that perspective as well, but sometimes I sit here and just let it get to me, so I write.  And I share.  Because you never know who is out there who has some of the same feelings and issues based on what is going on inside while dealing with Diabetes or any disease for that matter.  Know you're not alone in that thought.

I've been asked many times now, "how are you feeling?" Not just by Facebook lately (LOL) but walking into the doctor's office, the dentist recently and my favorite, the Diabetes Ed Nurse and Dietitian.  I didn't even think of it bothering me in the beginning.  I was handling it pretty well.  I've been learning about stress and stress relief while researching for my site www.diabeticstressrelief.com and while doing this have been reading about how some people have extreme stress anxiety as it relates to their Diabetes.  Its overwhelming to them.

Diet, exercise, pills, testing your blood glucose regularly, counting calories and trying your best not to go overboard on eating and getting lazy or complacent with your exercise is stressful. You have thoughts of "why even worry about it?" or struggling with your own mortality before you want struggle with it.  Well, the overwhelm has hit me.  I'm sitting here and trying to listen to some positive music tonight and writing to let go of some of this stress.  I've watched some of my videos and those do relax me, which is cool that my own stuff works on me pretty well, but  I had to put on some Yes as well.  I needed some positive reinforcement and some blogging.

If I can share just one thing with people, its to relax and let go.  Writing helps, music helps (positive lyrics or just instrumentals), watching an uplifting movie; for some prayer helps, meditating, visualization exercises...whatever it takes, hang in there for one more day.  Things are always better and brighter tomorrow, but mostly, be in the present moment.  Sit with this thing called Diabetes and realize that its something that is a part of you now, it does not own you, you own it.  You do not have to let it rule you, make you an emotional mess or ruin your vision of a brighter future, because that comes from a place of fear and as it is said in the book "Dune"...

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." 

Conquer that fear and replace it with some happiness.

A friend pointed me to an article that talked about finding the "Drops of Awesome" and to fill up that bucket with every drop of awesome that I can think of.  That's what I have been trying to do as I sit here and write and share.

I leave you with this.  A song from the album that I've been listening too this evening, the band is Yes, the song is from "The Ladder" and is called "Finally".  Listen to the words, very powerful and they help me get centered from the fear that I create in my mind about this disease.  "Finally we've put it to the test!"  One last thing to report, my 3 month check, was great.  My A1C is 6.8 now and that is considered "under control" for a Diabetic.  It was 11.2 when I saw him 3 months ago.

Namaste,

Dave

Sometimes You Need to Refocus

Yeah, it's late.  Yeah, I'm tired.  And sometimes you are battling internal struggles with weight and self esteem and need to refocus on what you are trying to accomplish.  This is my battle song, and it happens to be called "Battles".  This was Axe's "Comfortably Numb" or "Crystal Ball"  Just some good stuff.  Great lead guitar part.  I listen to this to give me strength and let me know that I can carry on and do anything. And I will.

Trudging Along With Hope and Happiness

Since Dec 7th, 2012, when I was diagnosed with fullblown type II Diabetes, I have been up and down with my emotions and weight.  I'm on four brand new medications, diet changes and tracking everything that I do now (diet, blood pressure, sleep and glucose).  It all seemed overwhelming at first, until last night when I started to see a glimmer of balance and some hope. 

My wife and I went to diabetes education group classes last night and for once I didn't feel alone in the world of my disease.  These were people that were just diagnosed or have had it but didn't have the right education for how to manage it.  Now, not everything the teachers were teaching was accurate.  In fact, we walked away from the clases going, "huh?" at a lot of things my doctor had told us that contradict what these educators were saying.  We just received the latest ADA book called Diabetes A to Z.  I highly recommend it, because it is current and up to date information that is easy to understand.  It's not a huge book either, but it has a lot of great information in it.  

The teachers, a CDE (certified diabetic educator) and a CN (certified nutritionist) are not up to speed on some of their items they are teaching.  So much so, that it is misleading to these people that are in the class with us.  How confusing is that?  How do you tell these nurses to go update themselves on the latest information and literature that is put out by the ADA and stop teaching things that are not part of the ADA curriculum anymore?  So I just have to let that go and hope that these people get some right education from their doctors.  I am going to tell my doctor (since he is prescribing these courses) that these two are not sharing some of the right information.  The one has been teaching nutrition for 10 years and the other has been doing diabetes education for 27 years.  

I'm from the IT field.  Where we constantly have to learn new technologies and upgrade our coding skills when new versions of software come out.  If you don't, you are out of a job or get left in the dust.  These are people lives you are dealing with, and if you don't upgrade your skills, you should probably be out of a job too.  Just sayin'.  

So, we did walk away with some good tips and some not so good tips.  But it was just wonderful to be with people who all had the same questions and were going through the same set of issues and emotions that we all go through when diagnosed.  It was nice to have a group of people to lean on.

Maintaining the new regimen of exercise has been tough this week because I have a nasty head cold.  Probably the worst I've had in a few years.  I found out a lot of information of how our blood sugars get whacked out by having a cold or flu. I did not know could happen, until last night.  So this is one piece of good information that I have walked away with last night.

I have started to use MyFitnessPal instead of MyNetDiary.  The UI is more friendly and the database is absolutely huge! You can scan item bar-codes and set your goals, blog and make some new friends in weightloss along the way.  I've seen SparkPeople, LoseIt and several others, but this works with my FitBit that I just ordered to help track my steps, stairs, sleep and other items.  My software for my Accu-Check Nano came today as well, so now I can hook it up to my PC and transfer my data to the software. 

It's all coming together to help me manage and put this thing called Diabetes in its place.  Gives me hope and some peace.  

Here is to a peaceful, prosperous and healthy New Year for everyone. 

Namaste.